EXCLUSIVE TO THE NORTHERN MYTH NEWS SERVICE
DARWIN, Thursday, 18 January 2024
A Darwin Tradie has left patrons and management at a local restaurant outraged, shocked, bemused and befuddled when he reserved his table with a pair of Dragon Eyewear shades.
One local, sparkie Tom “Mullet” Millner told Northern Myth News that he’d never seen anything like it. “Bra,I was fucken befuddled!. I fucken never seen anyfink like it,” he said. “I arksed him if I could use it meself but he dint answer. I reckon he was a Mexican chippie, so he might have tickets on hisself, eh bra?”
Manager of the restaurant, Tanja “Mullet” Tong-Millner [no relation] was outraged and asked that Northern Myth News not publish the name of her establishment. “”I’m outraged! We’re gunna put up a fucken sign saying you can’t reserve a fucken table with anything less than a pair of fucken Balenciaga or fucken Bottega Veneta shades.”
“If we aren’t careful we’ll see fucken people coming in with fucken Cancer Council shades or $5 servo glasses for fucksake. I reckon that carnt was a chippie from down souf.”
Jeff “Mullet” Millner [no relation] was passing by looking to steal shit from one of the tradie trucks in the car park to flog off at the Cash Converters up the road.
He told Northern Myth News that: “Bra, I was bemused! I was fucken looken to half-inch a fucken good Milwaukee hammer drill or even a fucken AEG nail-gun or fucken jobsite radio so i could get on the gear tonite.
Mullet [no relation] went on, “Fucken hell, I looked in the window and saw that pair of Dragon’s on the table and thought to meself, ‘Fucken hell, Mullet, you could be in here boy.’ and then the carnt turned up with his fucken small serve of ramen noodles with fucken vegies. No fucken meat and no fucken chilli! Fark me, that carnt musta been from fucken Victoria I reckon.”
The owner of the Dragons—who didn’t want to be identified other than as “Mullet” Millner [no relation] and his profession of “plant-based construction engineer”— told Northern Myth News that he couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about.
“In Victoria we do that all the time. I’ve got a good pair of Oakley’s to use for restaurants at nighttime but I like keep the Dragon’s for daytime. I’d be outraged, shocked, bemused and befuddled if they bought in a rule that I could only reserve a table with expensive sunglasses. I’d have to ask Mummy for a loan. And why do they all talk funny up here and why does all the food have chilli in it?”
More to come …
